Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask f I can take this train to KualaLumpur.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
***
Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
***
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
***
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
***
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel"
Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
***
The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
Sure," replied her lover "What's your phone number?"
***
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order.order"
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you,your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."
***
'For twenty years my husband and I were very happy'
'What happened then?'
'We met.'
***
Customer : 'If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Brighton in two days'time?'
Post Master : 'Well it might do.'
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to London.
***
Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
***
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull are grazing in the field
Teacher : How ?
Student : Ladies first.
***
Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
***
Friend 1 : Where did you born ?
Friend 2 : India.
Friend 1 : India? Which part?
Friend 2 : No, the whole body.
***
A first grader was sitting in class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home.
She said "...And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said
'Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?"
Then the teacher asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
and my friend's son raised his hand and said "I know! I know!, he said...'Holy smokes! A talking pig!"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
***
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked
"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
"Thou shall not kill."
***
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's dead."
***
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said,
"Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."
***
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Crorepati
Are YOU sure?
Santa Singh is the aggresive participant on Kaun Banega..
Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye to Rs. 10,000 jeetiye. 15 jawab par 1 crore! Aapke paas teen lifeline hain. Ek hazaar rupee ke liye aapka pehla sawaal:
Who is India's Prime Minister? A: Vajpayee B: Advani C: Zail Singh D: Amrish Puri?
Santa Singh: Vajpayee.
Amitabh: Sure?
Santa Singh: Yes, sure.
Amitabh: Confident?
Santa Singh: Yes
Amitabh: Absolutely sure?
Santa Singh: Yes Amitji.
Amitabh: Lock kar dein?
Santa Singh: Yes.
Amitabh: Sahee jawab! Aap ek hazaar rupee jeet gaye hain!
Santa Singh: Oye! Saale, ullu mat banaa! Paanch jawab diye hain puray dus hazaar nikaal!
Santa Singh is the aggresive participant on Kaun Banega..
Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye to Rs. 10,000 jeetiye. 15 jawab par 1 crore! Aapke paas teen lifeline hain. Ek hazaar rupee ke liye aapka pehla sawaal:
Who is India's Prime Minister? A: Vajpayee B: Advani C: Zail Singh D: Amrish Puri?
Santa Singh: Vajpayee.
Amitabh: Sure?
Santa Singh: Yes, sure.
Amitabh: Confident?
Santa Singh: Yes
Amitabh: Absolutely sure?
Santa Singh: Yes Amitji.
Amitabh: Lock kar dein?
Santa Singh: Yes.
Amitabh: Sahee jawab! Aap ek hazaar rupee jeet gaye hain!
Santa Singh: Oye! Saale, ullu mat banaa! Paanch jawab diye hain puray dus hazaar nikaal!
How To Catch A Lion
Newton's Method: Let, the lion catch you. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Schrodinger Method: At any given moment, there is a positive probability that lion to be in the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait.
Inverse Transformation Method: We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it. Perform an inverse transformation with respect to lion. Lion is in and we are out.
Thermodynamic Procedure: We construct a semi-permeable membrane, which allows everything to pass it except lions. Then sweep the entire forest with it.
Integration Differention Method: Integrate the forest over the entire area. The lion is somewhere in the result. So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t lion to trace out the lion.
The Banta singh's Method: DON'T EVEN TRY. YOU'LL GET CAUGHT BY THE LION.
Einstein Method: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Schrodinger Method: At any given moment, there is a positive probability that lion to be in the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait.
Inverse Transformation Method: We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it. Perform an inverse transformation with respect to lion. Lion is in and we are out.
Thermodynamic Procedure: We construct a semi-permeable membrane, which allows everything to pass it except lions. Then sweep the entire forest with it.
Integration Differention Method: Integrate the forest over the entire area. The lion is somewhere in the result. So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t lion to trace out the lion.
The Banta singh's Method: DON'T EVEN TRY. YOU'LL GET CAUGHT BY THE LION.
Go To School
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
Funny thoughts
Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual freetrip around the Sun.
Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep !
ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY
So what ? Who's in a hurry ?
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends
Love is photogenic;
it needs darkness to develop
A Policeman catches a guy who was crossing the street at a wrong place and shouts
"Why are you crossing here? Cant you see a zebra crossing there?"
The guy replies "Let the zebra cross. What can I do!!"
Do you know of a fellow who parked his car in front of board which said FINE FOR PARKING
A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?
Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting.
Whom are you working for?
Same people. My wife and four kids.
I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.
Yes. Meow.
Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are staying married just to be different.
Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep !
ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY
So what ? Who's in a hurry ?
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends
Love is photogenic;
it needs darkness to develop
A Policeman catches a guy who was crossing the street at a wrong place and shouts
"Why are you crossing here? Cant you see a zebra crossing there?"
The guy replies "Let the zebra cross. What can I do!!"
Do you know of a fellow who parked his car in front of board which said FINE FOR PARKING
A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?
Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting.
Whom are you working for?
Same people. My wife and four kids.
I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.
Yes. Meow.
Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are staying married just to be different.
Nobody
This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was this important job to be done and everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure that somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was everybody's job. Everybody thought that anybody could do it, but nobody realized that everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that everybody blamed somebody when actually nobody asked anybody.
Anybody could have done it, but nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was everybody's job. Everybody thought that anybody could do it, but nobody realized that everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that everybody blamed somebody when actually nobody asked anybody.
Duck Joke
Three teenaged boys (Jason, Brian, Carl), were walking along one night on the town. They turned down a dark alley and after a few feet the boys heard a loud "squish" and a painful "quack". The boys looked around and finally Carl looked under his feet and saw he had stepped on a duck. Then out from behind a trash can, an old elderly voodoo lady came out and yelled a voodoo chant that they could not understand. The boys looked at each other in confusement and asked the lady what she said. She just said she had placed a cursed on them. The boys then ran off in fright.
A week later, Carl and Jason were walking along and turned a corner seeing Brian kissing the most ugly, disgusting girl they had ever seen. The two of them shouted "What are you doing Brian?!?!?!?" He turned his head and replied, "I stepped on a duck!". The two didn't say anything and walked off to leave his friend and his newly found love alone.
Another week later, Carl and Brian were walking and turned a corner and saw Jason, kissing the most ugly and disgusting girl they had ever seen. The both of them shouted, "Hey, what are you doin Jason?!!?!?!". Jason turned his head and replied, "I stepped on a duck!". Carl then began to catch to what this "curse" was all about.
A month went bye and nothing happened. Then one day, Jason and Brian were walking along and turned a corner and saw Carl kissing the most beautiful girl they had ever laid their eyes on. They started shouting, "Yeah Carl! Way to go you stud!". Then the girl turned her head and said, "I stepped on a duck!"
A week later, Carl and Jason were walking along and turned a corner seeing Brian kissing the most ugly, disgusting girl they had ever seen. The two of them shouted "What are you doing Brian?!?!?!?" He turned his head and replied, "I stepped on a duck!". The two didn't say anything and walked off to leave his friend and his newly found love alone.
Another week later, Carl and Brian were walking and turned a corner and saw Jason, kissing the most ugly and disgusting girl they had ever seen. The both of them shouted, "Hey, what are you doin Jason?!!?!?!". Jason turned his head and replied, "I stepped on a duck!". Carl then began to catch to what this "curse" was all about.
A month went bye and nothing happened. Then one day, Jason and Brian were walking along and turned a corner and saw Carl kissing the most beautiful girl they had ever laid their eyes on. They started shouting, "Yeah Carl! Way to go you stud!". Then the girl turned her head and said, "I stepped on a duck!"
Bear Chase
Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing?"
He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it."
The second guy says, "Are you crazy?
You can't outrun a bear." The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you."
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing?"
He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it."
The second guy says, "Are you crazy?
You can't outrun a bear." The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you."
Driver's License
A little girl and her mother were out and about.
The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded,"Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, fires off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the line of questioning, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about the conversation she had with her mother.
The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again.
The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugs and says, I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."
The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded,"Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, fires off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the line of questioning, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about the conversation she had with her mother.
The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again.
The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugs and says, I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."
Detectives
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one Jewish, and one Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"
The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question.
He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.
Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."
When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?". Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder"
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"
The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question.
He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.
Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."
When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?". Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder"
An interesting Sentence
"I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications' incomprehensibleness".
This is a sentence where the Nth word is N letters long.e.g. 3rd word is 3 letters long, 8th word is 8 letters long and so on.
This is a sentence where the Nth word is N letters long.e.g. 3rd word is 3 letters long, 8th word is 8 letters long and so on.
Aching Tooth
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
"I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novocain because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?"
The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
"I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novocain because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?"
The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
3 Engineers in a car
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
An Engineering Story
Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C.as compared to D.C. ?
Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more space inside the
wire, so the wire has to be thicker.
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is AC. If it gets stuck, it was DC.
Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an Induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the x-ud, turn the motor around, and put back the
bolts.
Interviewer: How do y! ou start a synchronous mo! tor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)
Interviewer: How do you limit surge current within an integrated circuit?
Candidate: By using a miniature circuit breaker.
External (to student) : "Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC To pass through ?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |---, OK. DC comes straight, like this ----------,
and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!"
Examiner: "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student: "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?"
Student (hesitantly):"Uh - A transformer that is put in the x-udment or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that i! s installed on the ground?"
(Student knows he is caught-can't answer)
Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"
**TOP FACTS ABOUT ENGINEERS**
Engineers at work: Assignments solved by one and then carry out mass transfer operations
throughout the class.
The most important machine for Engineers: Xerox Machine (Without which assignment Completion
couldn't be possible)
Engineers Anthem: Hum hoge all clear Ek din, Mann me hai vishwas, pura hai vishwas, hum hoge all
clear ek din.
Top two Engineering Rumours:! Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm' ... 'Did
you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks..
The most dreaded acronym for Engineers: ATKT ( After Trying Keep Trying)
Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper: 'What is this pal, 60% of the paper was out of the
syllabus'. 'This was the worst paper set in the entire engineering history'. 'I am failing'.
_____________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more space inside the
wire, so the wire has to be thicker.
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is AC. If it gets stuck, it was DC.
Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an Induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the x-ud, turn the motor around, and put back the
bolts.
Interviewer: How do y! ou start a synchronous mo! tor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)
Interviewer: How do you limit surge current within an integrated circuit?
Candidate: By using a miniature circuit breaker.
External (to student) : "Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC To pass through ?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |---, OK. DC comes straight, like this ----------,
and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!"
Examiner: "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student: "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?"
Student (hesitantly):"Uh - A transformer that is put in the x-udment or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that i! s installed on the ground?"
(Student knows he is caught-can't answer)
Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"
**TOP FACTS ABOUT ENGINEERS**
Engineers at work: Assignments solved by one and then carry out mass transfer operations
throughout the class.
The most important machine for Engineers: Xerox Machine (Without which assignment Completion
couldn't be possible)
Engineers Anthem: Hum hoge all clear Ek din, Mann me hai vishwas, pura hai vishwas, hum hoge all
clear ek din.
Top two Engineering Rumours:! Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm' ... 'Did
you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks..
The most dreaded acronym for Engineers: ATKT ( After Trying Keep Trying)
Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper: 'What is this pal, 60% of the paper was out of the
syllabus'. 'This was the worst paper set in the entire engineering history'. 'I am failing'.
_____________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Got two minutes??
Two Minutes Management Course
Lesson 1:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the eagle, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped
on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson? - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very. very high up!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson 2:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?",
replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked
at a lump of dung, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach
the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the
top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot
the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson? - Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson 3:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird
lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it
was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird
singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him
out and ate him.
Management Lesson? -
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends your 2 minute management course now get back to work..
__________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Lesson 1:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the eagle, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped
on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson? - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very. very high up!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson 2:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?",
replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked
at a lump of dung, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach
the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the
top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot
the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson? - Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson 3:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird
lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it
was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird
singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him
out and ate him.
Management Lesson? -
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends your 2 minute management course now get back to work..
__________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Indian Men
A ship sank in high seas and the following people got
stranded on a
beautiful deserted island
in the middle of nowhere:
A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
C. 2 German men and 1 German woman
D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
G. 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
H. 2 American men and 1 American woman
I. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
One month later, on various parts of the island, the
following was
observed:
A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for
the Italian woman.
B. The two French men and the French woman are living
happily together.
C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of
when they
alternate with the German woman.
D. The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the
Greek woman is
cooking & cleaning for them.
E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless
ocean and a long
look at the Polish woman,
and they started swimming.
F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other
men on the island
trying to sell them the Mexican woman.
G. The two Irish men began by dividing up their part
of the island
into Northern and Southern parts,
and by setting up a distillery. They do not
remember the Irish
woman because it gets sort of foggy
after the first few liters of coconut whiskey but
at least the
English are not getting any.
H. The two American men are contemplating suicide. The
American woman
is bitching about her
body being her own, the true nature of feminism,
how she can do
everything that they can do,
the equal division of the household chores.......
I. The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to
introduce them to the Indian woman.
__________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
stranded on a
beautiful deserted island
in the middle of nowhere:
A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
C. 2 German men and 1 German woman
D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
G. 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
H. 2 American men and 1 American woman
I. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
One month later, on various parts of the island, the
following was
observed:
A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for
the Italian woman.
B. The two French men and the French woman are living
happily together.
C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of
when they
alternate with the German woman.
D. The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the
Greek woman is
cooking & cleaning for them.
E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless
ocean and a long
look at the Polish woman,
and they started swimming.
F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other
men on the island
trying to sell them the Mexican woman.
G. The two Irish men began by dividing up their part
of the island
into Northern and Southern parts,
and by setting up a distillery. They do not
remember the Irish
woman because it gets sort of foggy
after the first few liters of coconut whiskey but
at least the
English are not getting any.
H. The two American men are contemplating suicide. The
American woman
is bitching about her
body being her own, the true nature of feminism,
how she can do
everything that they can do,
the equal division of the household chores.......
I. The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to
introduce them to the Indian woman.
__________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Linux
Try this out in Linux....
List of some "funny" responses from Linux when you mis-enter "appropriate"
$ cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans
$ nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.
$ rm God
rm: God nonexistent
$ ar t God
ar: God does not exist
$ ar r God
ar: creating God
$ make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
$ sleep with me
bad character
$ got a light?
No match.
$ man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
$ !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.
$ drink bottle: cannot open
opener: not found
____________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
List of some "funny" responses from Linux when you mis-enter "appropriate"
$ cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans
$ nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.
$ rm God
rm: God nonexistent
$ ar t God
ar: God does not exist
$ ar r God
ar: creating God
$ make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
$ sleep with me
bad character
$ got a light?
No match.
$ man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
$ !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.
$ drink bottle: cannot open
opener: not found
____________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Communication Gap
From
Managing Director
To
Production Director
"Tommorrow there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o' clock. This is something that we cannot see happen everyday, so let the work force line up outside, in their best clothes, to watch it. To mark this occation of this rare occurance, I'll personally explain the phenomenon to them. If it is raining, we shall not be able to see it very well and in that case the work force should assemble in the canteen."
***
From
Production Director
To
Production Manager
"By order of the Managing Director, there'll be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o' clock tommorrow morning. If it is raining, we shall not be able to see it very well on site, in our best clothes. In that case the disappearance of the sun will be followed through in the canteen. This is somehing we cannot see happen everyday."
***
From
Production Manager
To
Departmental Manager
"By order of the Managing Director, we shall follow through in our best clothes, the disappearance of the sun in the canteen tommorrow at nine o' clock. The managing director will tell us whether it's going to rain or not. This is something that we cannot see happen everyday."
***
From
Departmental Manager
To
Foreman
"It is raining in the canteen tommorrow morning, which is something which we cannot see happen everyday, the Managing Director at his best clothes will disappear at nine o' clock".
***
From
Foreman
To
All Operators
" Tommorrow morning at nine o' clock, the Managing Director will disappear. It's a pity that we cannot see this happen everyday."
__________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Managing Director
To
Production Director
"Tommorrow there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o' clock. This is something that we cannot see happen everyday, so let the work force line up outside, in their best clothes, to watch it. To mark this occation of this rare occurance, I'll personally explain the phenomenon to them. If it is raining, we shall not be able to see it very well and in that case the work force should assemble in the canteen."
***
From
Production Director
To
Production Manager
"By order of the Managing Director, there'll be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o' clock tommorrow morning. If it is raining, we shall not be able to see it very well on site, in our best clothes. In that case the disappearance of the sun will be followed through in the canteen. This is somehing we cannot see happen everyday."
***
From
Production Manager
To
Departmental Manager
"By order of the Managing Director, we shall follow through in our best clothes, the disappearance of the sun in the canteen tommorrow at nine o' clock. The managing director will tell us whether it's going to rain or not. This is something that we cannot see happen everyday."
***
From
Departmental Manager
To
Foreman
"It is raining in the canteen tommorrow morning, which is something which we cannot see happen everyday, the Managing Director at his best clothes will disappear at nine o' clock".
***
From
Foreman
To
All Operators
" Tommorrow morning at nine o' clock, the Managing Director will disappear. It's a pity that we cannot see this happen everyday."
__________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Indian Hell
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?"He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen..."
______________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?"He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen..."
______________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Why Newton Committed Suicide?
Here is the reason. :
Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.
In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes
1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!
2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.
Guess, what he does?
He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does.
Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations.
He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.Bang... the gangster dies...
This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!
The 'climax' f! inally arrives.
Rajanikanth gets to know tha! t the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.
(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)
Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Newton commits suicide...
________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.
In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes
1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!
2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.
Guess, what he does?
He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does.
Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations.
He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.Bang... the gangster dies...
This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!
The 'climax' f! inally arrives.
Rajanikanth gets to know tha! t the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.
(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)
Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Newton commits suicide...
________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Nothing wrong in dreaming!!!!!!
Year :2020
Place :Two Americans at IBM, USA.
Currency Conversion Rate: Rs.1 = $100/
Alex :Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office?
John :Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping.
Alex: Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become verystrict.
John :Yeah, but I managed to get it.
Alex :How long it took to get it stamped?
John :Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in frontof me and they played with him like anything. Thatswhy it got delayed. I went there at 2 am itself and waited and returned by 4 pm.
Alex :Really? In India, it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA.
John :Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming to USA man, their economy has been booming.
Alex :So, when are you leaving?
John :Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you know,I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India.
Sort of dream come true.
Alex :How long are you going to stay in India?
John :What do you mean by how long? I will be settled in India, my company has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta.
Alex :Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta in India.
John :Yeah, thatswhy, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there.
Alex :But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad, Bangalore and Mumbai.
John :But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured.
Alex :Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad?
John :Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is Rs. 1000/- for a single room accommodation.
Alex :I see, that's too much for US people, Rs.1/- = $ 100/-. Oh God!What about in Chennai, Mumbai?
John !: No idea, but it is less than what we have in Hyderabad. It is like the world headquarters of Software.
Alex :I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for help.
John :You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a personal Robot for less than Rs. 7500/-. Butmy dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs Rs.200000/- but has got a sexy design.
Alex :By the way, who is your client?
John :A pure Indian company, specializing in Embedded Software.
Alex :Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really intelligent and unlike American Bodyshopper!s who have opened their Fly-by-night outfits in India. Indian companies pay you in fulleven when you are on bench. My friend Paul Allen, it seems,used his benchtime to visit Bihar,themost livable ! place in India, probably world. There you have full freedom and no restrictions.You can do whateveryou want! ! I wonderhow that state has perfected that system.
John :Yeah man, you are right. I hope our America also! follows their footsteps.
Alex :How are you going to cope with their language?
John :Why not? >From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York. At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent percent score in TOHIL i.e. Test of Hindi as International Language.
Alex :So, you are going to have fun there.
John :Yeah, I will be travelling in the world's fastest train, world's largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors like, Hrithik, and all. Essel world is also near to Bollywood.
Alex :You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year,he may then relax the number of visas.
John :That's true. Last month, Premji visited White House and donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at Silicon Valley and has promised more if we follow the model of SiliconCity of Bangalore. Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. !Very lucky person.
Alex :But, Indian government is planning to split Premji's Wipro.
John :He is a hard worker man, he can build any number of Wipro like this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep !all his money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto.
Alex :OK, Good Luck John.
John :Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a KurtaPyjama because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will ever come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get ejected. But don't forget to say "Namaste, aapkaisehai" to the Visa officer at Window 5. It seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't greet him that way.
___________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Place :Two Americans at IBM, USA.
Currency Conversion Rate: Rs.1 = $100/
Alex :Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office?
John :Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping.
Alex: Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become verystrict.
John :Yeah, but I managed to get it.
Alex :How long it took to get it stamped?
John :Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in frontof me and they played with him like anything. Thatswhy it got delayed. I went there at 2 am itself and waited and returned by 4 pm.
Alex :Really? In India, it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA.
John :Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming to USA man, their economy has been booming.
Alex :So, when are you leaving?
John :Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you know,I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India.
Sort of dream come true.
Alex :How long are you going to stay in India?
John :What do you mean by how long? I will be settled in India, my company has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta.
Alex :Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta in India.
John :Yeah, thatswhy, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there.
Alex :But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad, Bangalore and Mumbai.
John :But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured.
Alex :Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad?
John :Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is Rs. 1000/- for a single room accommodation.
Alex :I see, that's too much for US people, Rs.1/- = $ 100/-. Oh God!What about in Chennai, Mumbai?
John !: No idea, but it is less than what we have in Hyderabad. It is like the world headquarters of Software.
Alex :I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for help.
John :You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a personal Robot for less than Rs. 7500/-. Butmy dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs Rs.200000/- but has got a sexy design.
Alex :By the way, who is your client?
John :A pure Indian company, specializing in Embedded Software.
Alex :Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really intelligent and unlike American Bodyshopper!s who have opened their Fly-by-night outfits in India. Indian companies pay you in fulleven when you are on bench. My friend Paul Allen, it seems,used his benchtime to visit Bihar,themost livable ! place in India, probably world. There you have full freedom and no restrictions.You can do whateveryou want! ! I wonderhow that state has perfected that system.
John :Yeah man, you are right. I hope our America also! follows their footsteps.
Alex :How are you going to cope with their language?
John :Why not? >From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York. At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent percent score in TOHIL i.e. Test of Hindi as International Language.
Alex :So, you are going to have fun there.
John :Yeah, I will be travelling in the world's fastest train, world's largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors like, Hrithik, and all. Essel world is also near to Bollywood.
Alex :You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year,he may then relax the number of visas.
John :That's true. Last month, Premji visited White House and donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at Silicon Valley and has promised more if we follow the model of SiliconCity of Bangalore. Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. !Very lucky person.
Alex :But, Indian government is planning to split Premji's Wipro.
John :He is a hard worker man, he can build any number of Wipro like this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep !all his money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto.
Alex :OK, Good Luck John.
John :Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a KurtaPyjama because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will ever come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get ejected. But don't forget to say "Namaste, aapkaisehai" to the Visa officer at Window 5. It seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't greet him that way.
___________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Real life IAS i.e. UPSC Exam 1998 Interview
Question and there Answer given by Candidates
..........oh sorry!!IAS Officers now
Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A.Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )
Q: what is the opposite of Nagpanchmi?
A: Nag did not punch me
________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
..........oh sorry!!IAS Officers now
Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A.Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )
Q: what is the opposite of Nagpanchmi?
A: Nag did not punch me
________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two
1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
Great Ideas!!!
A Gujju family in Gujarat received with sadness the coffin of their dead mother which from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters who settled there upon her marriage. When they opened the lid to pay their last respects, they found a letter on top, which read,
"Dear brothers and sisters, sending our mother's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Gujarat. I'm sorry I could not accompany her as all of my paid leaves are consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of cheese, 2 bottles of perfume, 10 packets of chocolates and 8 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes(size 10) for Mohan. Also, ther! e are 2 pairs of shoes for Champa's and Padmaben's sons, Laloo and Chintu. Hope the sizes are correct. You'll notice that over her sari Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size (with Michael Jordan) is for Mohan and the others are for my nephews. The 2 new Jeans that Ba's is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Pinky wanted is on Ba's left wrist. For ShantaBen, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them. The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my sister-in laws, Kokila, Lalita, and Shanta.
Please distribute all these uniformly and if anything more required let me know, since our Bappa is also not keeping well nowadays.
"Dear brothers and sisters, sending our mother's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Gujarat. I'm sorry I could not accompany her as all of my paid leaves are consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of cheese, 2 bottles of perfume, 10 packets of chocolates and 8 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes(size 10) for Mohan. Also, ther! e are 2 pairs of shoes for Champa's and Padmaben's sons, Laloo and Chintu. Hope the sizes are correct. You'll notice that over her sari Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size (with Michael Jordan) is for Mohan and the others are for my nephews. The 2 new Jeans that Ba's is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Pinky wanted is on Ba's left wrist. For ShantaBen, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them. The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my sister-in laws, Kokila, Lalita, and Shanta.
Please distribute all these uniformly and if anything more required let me know, since our Bappa is also not keeping well nowadays.
Did You Know?
Did you know that when you envy someone, it's because you really like that person?
Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weaklings and most succeptible?
Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are : I love you,Sorry and help me The people who say these are that actually need them or really feel them, and are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.
Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?
Did you know that those who dress in red are more confidence in themselves?
Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?
Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?
Did you know that when you hepl someone, the help is returned in two folds?
Did you know that those who need more of you are those that not mention it to you?
Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writting than saying it to someone in the face?But did you know that it has more value when you say it in the face?
Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?
Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?
Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.
But don't believe everything I tell you, until youtry it for yourself , if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned of,and you know that you can help,you'll see that it will be returned in two folds.
DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON ME???... AT THE MOMENT, TIME AND PLACE THAT YOU NEED ME, CALL ME, I WILL BE THERE WITH YOU !!!!!
"One day, we mad people will change the world...or we are already changing it " THE BALL IS NOW IN YOUR COURT... If the world were to end in 24 hours,all the phone lines, chat rooms and email will be saturated from people sending messages to others, saying: "I regret having made you feel bad", "Pardon me", "I love you", "I hold you in high esteem", take good care of yourself" and sometimes "I have always loved you, only I never told you".
____________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weaklings and most succeptible?
Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are : I love you,Sorry and help me The people who say these are that actually need them or really feel them, and are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.
Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?
Did you know that those who dress in red are more confidence in themselves?
Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?
Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?
Did you know that when you hepl someone, the help is returned in two folds?
Did you know that those who need more of you are those that not mention it to you?
Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writting than saying it to someone in the face?But did you know that it has more value when you say it in the face?
Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?
Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?
Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.
But don't believe everything I tell you, until youtry it for yourself , if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned of,and you know that you can help,you'll see that it will be returned in two folds.
DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON ME???... AT THE MOMENT, TIME AND PLACE THAT YOU NEED ME, CALL ME, I WILL BE THERE WITH YOU !!!!!
"One day, we mad people will change the world...or we are already changing it " THE BALL IS NOW IN YOUR COURT... If the world were to end in 24 hours,all the phone lines, chat rooms and email will be saturated from people sending messages to others, saying: "I regret having made you feel bad", "Pardon me", "I love you", "I hold you in high esteem", take good care of yourself" and sometimes "I have always loved you, only I never told you".
____________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About
1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
A Minute
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.
Send this phrase to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgot your friends.
Take the time... to live and love.
__________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
A Minute
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.
Send this phrase to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgot your friends.
Take the time... to live and love.
__________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
A Wise Camel
A mother and a baby camel were lazing around , and suddenly
the baby camel asked..............
Baby : Mother , mother ! may I ask you some questions ?
Mother " Sure ! Why son , is there something bothering you ?
Baby : Why do camels have humps ?
Mother : Well son , we are desert animals , we need the humps to
store water and we are known to survive without water.
Baby : Okey ! then why are our legs long and our feet rounded ?
Mother : Son , obviously they are meant for walking in the desert ,
you know with these legs I can move around the desert better
than anyone does ! Said the mother proudly
Baby : Okey! then why are our eyelashes long ? Sometimes it bothers
my sight .
Mother : My son , those long thick eyelashes are your protective cover
They help to ptotect your eyes from the desert sand and wind
said mother camel with eyes rimming with pride .....
Baby : I see .So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert ,
the legs are for walking through the desert and these eyelashes
protect my eyes from the desert ......
Then what the hell are we doing here in the zoooooooo!
Moral of the story is : " Skills , knowledge , abilities and experiences
are only useful if you are at the right place "
Where are YOU right now ???????????????.
_____________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Romantic Countries in the World
These are some of the romantic countries in the world.
H.O.L.L.A.N.D. - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. - I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. - Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. - Come Here.. I Need Affection.
B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always.
N.E.P.A.L. - Never Ever Part As Lovers.
I.N.D.I.A. - I Nearly Died In Adoration.
K.E.N.Y.A. - Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
C.A.N.A.D.A. - Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction
K.O.R.E.A. - Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.
E.G.Y.P.T. - Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!
M.A.N.I.L.A. - May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
P.E.R.U. - Phorget Everyone... Remember Us.
T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D - Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull
P.A.K..I..S.T.A.N:-Pure…Affection…Keeping…In…Soul…True...And...Endless
____________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
H.O.L.L.A.N.D. - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. - I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. - Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. - Come Here.. I Need Affection.
B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always.
N.E.P.A.L. - Never Ever Part As Lovers.
I.N.D.I.A. - I Nearly Died In Adoration.
K.E.N.Y.A. - Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
C.A.N.A.D.A. - Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction
K.O.R.E.A. - Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.
E.G.Y.P.T. - Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!
M.A.N.I.L.A. - May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
P.E.R.U. - Phorget Everyone... Remember Us.
T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D - Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull
P.A.K..I..S.T.A.N:-Pure…Affection…Keeping…In…Soul…True...And...Endless
____________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Saturday, November 13, 2004
The Perfect Couple
*Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect
courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course,
perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving
their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the
side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to
help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to
disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded
Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along
delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and
the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them
survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it.
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Answer:
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the
first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such
thing as a perfect man.
**** Women you can stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
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So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been
driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
**** Women, if you have read this too... stop reading here, this is REALLY
the end of the joke.
*** Men Keep scrolling
By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates
another point: WOMEN NEVER LISTEN!!!
_________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course,
perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving
their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the
side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to
help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to
disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded
Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along
delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and
the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them
survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Answer:
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the
first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such
thing as a perfect man.
**** Women you can stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
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So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been
driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
**** Women, if you have read this too... stop reading here, this is REALLY
the end of the joke.
*** Men Keep scrolling
By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates
another point: WOMEN NEVER LISTEN!!!
_________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
A small take - Mahabharat
(This article is a mixture of languages "Hindi" and "English")
This is one of the best jokes you might read, but I think it is one of the best observations...
In some remote village of India, one master ji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to a class. He is at the 'Krishna janma' ! part of it. So
let him continue........
Masterji: "Bachcho, so Kansa heard the Akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars.
"First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning; second one is born and Kansa throws him off the mountain peak; third one is born..."
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot puts up his handand says, "Master ji! I have a question here!"
Masterji (sounding nervous and confused): "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata and how come you have one?"
Ramu: "Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's child - whether 1st or 8th - was going to kill him, Why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the same cell?"
This is one of the best jokes you might read, but I think it is one of the best observations...
In some remote village of India, one master ji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to a class. He is at the 'Krishna janma' ! part of it. So
let him continue........
Masterji: "Bachcho, so Kansa heard the Akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars.
"First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning; second one is born and Kansa throws him off the mountain peak; third one is born..."
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot puts up his handand says, "Master ji! I have a question here!"
Masterji (sounding nervous and confused): "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata and how come you have one?"
Ramu: "Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's child - whether 1st or 8th - was going to kill him, Why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the same cell?"
Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings
1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..
9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. e.t.c. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
24. Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father : A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails...... ;)
_________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..
9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. e.t.c. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
24. Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father : A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails...... ;)
_________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
A Beautiful Analogy
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they
eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't
believe that God exists." "Why do you say that?" asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't
exist.Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be
abandoned children?
If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.
I can't imagine a loving a God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't
want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the
shop.
Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long,stringy,
dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.The customer
turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You
know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.
"I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they
did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like
that man outside." "Ah, but barbers DO exist! " answered the barber. " What
happens, is, people do not come to me. ""Exactly!"- affirmed the customer.
"That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to
Him and do not look for Him.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
_________________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they
eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't
believe that God exists." "Why do you say that?" asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't
exist.Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be
abandoned children?
If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.
I can't imagine a loving a God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't
want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the
shop.
Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long,stringy,
dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.The customer
turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You
know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.
"I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they
did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like
that man outside." "Ah, but barbers DO exist! " answered the barber. " What
happens, is, people do not come to me. ""Exactly!"- affirmed the customer.
"That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to
Him and do not look for Him.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
_________________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
Brain Exercise
OK, relax, clear your mind and .. begin:
1. What do you put in a toaster?
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Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do
something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to
Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now, spell "silk." What do cows drink?
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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the
next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even
overheat. It maybe that you need to content yourself with reading
something more appropriate, such as Children's World." If you said
"water," proceed to question 3
3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said, "green bricks,"
what the devil are you still doing reading these questions??? If you
said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
4. Twenty years ago, a plane was flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If
you recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West
Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines
failed. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also
failing,decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the third
engine fails before he has time to attempt an emergency landing, and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East
Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? In East
Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
....
....
....
....
Answer: Y ou don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING
else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from
a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated.If you said, "Don't bury the survivors," proceed to question 5.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how
many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
....
....
....
....
Answer: One degree! If you said, "360 degrees" or anything other than
"one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you
are obviously out of your league. Turn in your pencil, and exit the
room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a calculator-You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus, and nine people get on. In Swindon, two
people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16
people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on.
In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at
Milford Haven.
What was the name of the bus driver?
....
....
....
....
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU!!
Now pass this along to all your "friends" and hope they do better then
you did!
____________________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
1. What do you put in a toaster?
....
....
....
....
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do
something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to
Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now, spell "silk." What do cows drink?
....
....
....
....
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the
next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even
overheat. It maybe that you need to content yourself with reading
something more appropriate, such as Children's World." If you said
"water," proceed to question 3
3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
....
....
....
....
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said, "green bricks,"
what the devil are you still doing reading these questions??? If you
said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
4. Twenty years ago, a plane was flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If
you recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West
Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines
failed. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also
failing,decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the third
engine fails before he has time to attempt an emergency landing, and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East
Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? In East
Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
....
....
....
....
Answer: Y ou don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING
else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from
a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated.If you said, "Don't bury the survivors," proceed to question 5.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how
many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
....
....
....
....
Answer: One degree! If you said, "360 degrees" or anything other than
"one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you
are obviously out of your league. Turn in your pencil, and exit the
room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a calculator-You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus, and nine people get on. In Swindon, two
people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16
people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on.
In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at
Milford Haven.
What was the name of the bus driver?
....
....
....
....
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU!!
Now pass this along to all your "friends" and hope they do better then
you did!
____________________________________________deakrep@rediffmail.com
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